The older I get, the more the word "cancer" seems to creep up into everyday conversation. "Welcome to adulthood" is what a lot of people say (I hate that phrase, by the way-. It shows lack of compassion, and self-pity). Part of me wishes that I could go back to being 8, jumping on the trampoline, eating otter pops and worrying about finishing my homework and doing the dishes.
Life was simple.
It also lacked depth.
Because I am, where I am now, I love a little deeper, and care a bit more. Experience has made me that way. There brings great joy in sharing life with others. However, when storm clouds come in the form of fights, loss, and death- it's hard to not wish you could close up into your shell, and be alone. Cancer has taken the lives of 4 people I care about, soon to be 5, this year. Every cancer different, every fight- lost. It stinks. There isn't a day that goes by that I think of my Mary Mode and just miss her. It makes me sad, and oh, how I want to climb in my shell.
I'll see her again, and my great grandma, and my friends. It will feel like a long time, but it's really not. I find a little comfort in knowing that they don't hurt anymore. That they are freed from a body with disabilities. Heavenly Father needs them for some great purpose, which I imagine is a glorious and essential.
So, while I miss them terribly, and wish that I could go back to the care-free days, I'm glad I've gotten to know and appreciate the lives of those I've known.
And I know, I 'll see them again. Some day.
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